deja-vu v.2 [ rain... falling in my heart

Monday, August 22, 2005

la la la. since i need a good reason for some people to come tag here, and im too lazy to come up with another blog entry.. here goes. shall make good use of a few buttons on the keyboard. specifically.. control. the 'v' button. and the 'c' button. somehow, i keep spelling button as botton. whatever that means. here goes.

i want to just.. die.

guys are NOT supposed to have that kinda template!! no!!! never!! uh uh!! bad move!! bad bad move!! *uses both limbs located at upper end of body to make huge slashing gestures in the air* no!!! never! *gags* its just so.. gay!!

but then again.. just in case you guys are about to point at the statement above and stuff i've said or the way i've reacted in previous occasions.. no, im not homophobic. i just find it.. amusing and interesting. and love making a huge deal out of it. actually.. i think its quite fun. *grins* la la la. shall do my work now. gayness is in the air. and gay in this case refers to the old english definition of the word. not the new one. yes. thank you. *bows*

oh btw, did i mention? i hate it when couples start all that.. face-devouring.. i-love-you-so-much-i-wanna-spread-a-STD-to-you thingie in trains. that's utterly gross.

la la la. im done. and now i shall get down to doing my work while leaving the comp on so i can finish downloading wang zi. but its so slow this time. and i can't find the smaller version. oh well.

the rain poured at 9:01 PM

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005

la la la.. w.o.r.d.s f.r.o.m t.h.e h.e.a.r.t is updated!!! ok. but then again.. im losing readers. *sniffs* oh well.. *hides in a dark remote corner and cries my heart out*

the rain poured at 7:02 AM

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Saturday, August 13, 2005

i guess these kinda stuff happens. especially in our school's environment. people getting all stressed up, and cutting, talking about suicide.. these things just happen. there are two common reactions, and one not-that-common reaction. the first one would be one of sympathy, with a tone of pity in it. they will say that it's such a waste. why give up your life just like that? then, followed by a sigh, they will add that maybe its better this way. maybe that person would be happier that way. maybe he/she is finally on their way to a place where they will be happier. but some part of me questions this. are they really happier? what if they regretted it? there's no way they can turn back then. why do this? are they really happier, even if they go to some place where there aren't as many worries? or are they just simply running away from reality and their fears, or what makes them unhappy? are our problems really that big, or are we just weak? im not saying that i support either reason, just.. wonder why. is it really worth it? is there really no way out? then why is it that after the whole incident happens, you suddenly find people coming forward to mourn the loss? students doing silly things because of their grades and studies. or simply pressure from their parents. if they'd let their parents or teachers, or those around them know about this earlier, maybe a tragedy might have been avoided. but then again, we have no right to say "if only.." because we don't know ourselves. as for those who take their lives because of financial problems, and the matter is reported in the papers, which is usually the case, and there are highlights about how dire the family financial situation is, with ailing parents, and young children who cannot go to school. THEN, you find donations pouring in from the public. i just wonder if those who had.. gave up on life.. because of these problems, if they found out about what happened after this, would they wonder if it was all worth it? take the ones who decide to to end their lives because of their financial woes. due to their deaths, which are reported by the media, donations start to pour in from sympathetic members of the public. their children are finally able to go to school, have new pairs of school shoes to wear, have pocket money to eat something filling during recess. the family is finally able to send their elderly parents to the doctor and give them some much needed medical attention. but if they come back, as say, spirits, and find their family able to afford such things, but crying away when they think about how they got the money, and wishing, over and over again about how they would rather be poor, but have an intact family, then be able to afford such things, after a beloved family member's death.. will they regret what they have done? the money can be earned, no matter how long it takes, but a life can never be replaced, just like how a dead person cannot be revived. reversible.. irreversible. we learnt that in science.

as for the other reaction, it is one where a person reads or hears about this news and then proceed to snort in disgust or give a mocking smile before saying with the utmost contempt. 'how stupid. giving up your life for nothing! plain stupidity!' after which they fold the newspaper, or switch off their brand new 49-inch television, give their significant other a peck on the cheek, pick up their branded leather briefcase/purse and leave the house in their recently-bought all-new sports car. the irony of it all.

to these people, nothing can't be solved with money. of course that's the case for them. they're rolling-in-their-money rich. putting it really simply, they don't understand. they've got it all. others don't. they'll never understand. never.. at least until they're in the same state as those in question.

just.. don't know when the world turned into the one it is today. or maybe, it's always been this way. but i've never noticed it, cause i was too caught up in my world of childish wonders and if-im-good-to-you-you'll-naturally-be-good-to-me kinda life. maybe its just cause i chose all this while to shut my ears to all that, living only in my fantasies. but in facing a world like this, i don't know if i should wake up afterall.

the rain poured at 5:14 PM

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