deja-vu v.2 [ rain... falling in my heart

Monday, October 31, 2005

'o's are done for me. so there. crappy mistakes. the stuff which were easy were well.. easy. and those which were hard.. basically made up for the parts which were easy.

maybe i should just wake up. stop living in that fantasy world of mine. but then again, maybe i have. just that i proceeded on to another fantasy world away from the first.

you can't unbreak something that has been broken once too many.

it just dies. or does it?

the rain poured at 9:06 PM

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Saturday, October 29, 2005

ok. mugging mugging mugging time once again. and that of course means more inspiration for me.. in the wrong areas. such as updating. oh well.

ok. so im crazy about pretty boys. totally. haha. oh well. don't know how i should get down to describing it. but the rest who were there should know. it was totally crazy. let's see. ok. shall try describing it.

erm.. let's see. 2 days ago we were mugging at lido. and when we were almost through with our mugging.. me and julee saw this totally chio jap person. note i say person. not him. or her. just person. cause we totally couldn't decide if it was a he or she. so now.. that person's called it. yep. just too pretty to be a guy if it is a guy. but at the same time, if it's a girl.. the features just seem to say.. PRETTY BOY!!! correction. scream.. not say. yar. so we being the psychos we are.. tried finding out the.. gender of it. by trailing it to the toilet. but somehow, it disappeared. left. poof. disappeared into thin air. which isn't that difficult considering how thin it is. note once again, i use thin. not skinny. skinny just sounds too.. crude on it. way too crude. so yes. it is like.. pretty. totally. thin. nicely shaped faced. totally sharp features. small sharp nose. doe-eyed. eyelashes which travel from earth to the moon and back. beautifully thin lips. and porcelain complexion. no flaws. at all. and since it was wearing a totally baggy shirt PLUS a jacket.. *cough*muchtomydismay*cough*, we didn't know whether to call it him or her. and though we were dying to find out.. the whole fun comes from the mystery. there. i sound like a totally perv. biggie. sue me. so anyway, it sort of slipped my mind. till yesterday. so.. i was out for lunch with my dad and the rest, meaning nu ren, bren and karwei were at kfc waiting for me to bring back food for them. yes. so me being me, i don't really check my phone. unless im really bored. or i have to. so yes. supposedly nu ren sms-ed me about it. cause it was THERE. while i was away!!!

so they figured that i would totally go crazy if i didn't see it. since i was away. therefore they decided to take pics of it.. discretly. at least they were hoping to achieve that. which i think they failed.. horribly. cause the jap girl accompanying it so totally realized. and gave them the evil eye or something. yar. but thank goodness. i rushed back in time. first thing i was told.. was not to scream. and i was like.. huh? why would i scream? then they shoved julee's cam in my face. i thought she was gonna take my pic. which to my defence.. she has been since who knows when! but yar. so i saw the pic. which was of.. it. *gasps* yes. and i saw a familiar flash of.. grey from the corner of my eye. the left to be exact. turned before nu ren and the rest could say anything.. not that they were saying much.. besides promise you won't scream.. or things to that effect. looked at the life version of it in the cam. *gasped somemore* of course, i forgot for a moment.. that due to a very heavy lunch where i almost got drunk.. my bladder was relatively.. filled. so suddenly.. couldn't resist it anymore. i just.. ran away. yes. couldn't take it. and they were all like.. are you okay are you okay?? of course im ok. i mean.. besides that i've just seen *tears* pretty boy.. and my stupid bladder is bursting. >.<>

so nu ren companied me to the toilet. halfway during which, i rushed to starbucks and called xiang. i guess i was relatively incoherent then.. considering the almost exploding bladder. and so when i chilled enough.. went back.. brought a very excited xiang along with me. yes. so we proceeded to ~~stare~~ glance periodically at it. until i think it's very jealous girl companion got pissed off and managed to convince an unknowing it along. bwahhhhhhh!!! it was soooooo innocent!!! like.. blur. gosh. *rambles incoherently*

yes. so i've seen it 2 days in a row. that's what i call yuan. so there. and if im lucky enough. on monday.. once i step out of school.. OR the hall.. *please let it be the hall* i'll see it again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *laughs silently to self* ok. this is madness.

niwae.. karwei's crazy about changmin. and hero.. or jaejoong as im learning to call him now. though hero means much less typing. especially when im saving pics of them. let's see.. there are 2 scenarios.

1. *sees picture of changmin* OMG!!! he is so HOT!! HOT!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! *proceeds to rub cheek against his picture thus resembling a very contented kitten*

2. *sees picture of jaejoong* OMG!!! OMG!!!! he is so PRETTY!!!! OMG!!!!! *proceeds then to.. i kid you not.. stick out tongue and 'lick' picture of jaejoong with tongue millimeters away from poor joongie's face*

i was disgusted/amused. and so was everyone. that woman is freaky.

xiang has now come to a conclusion that that choikang changmin attracts girls from our school. so there. haha. blah. but i don't like the angsty him now. wish that it was all just.. the whole image thingie for the album. i really really like the innocent.. sweet him. *prods picture of him which probably has a relatively large amount of kw's cells and dead skin* and hero's starting to seem more like changmin. like.. subdued and sweet and all. *looks at pretty picture of him but doesn't dare touch just in case kw really DID lick his face* poor boy. i mean.. because kw licked his face. though he really is a poor thing all the same cause of his injury. sigh. hope he gets well soon. much as i know that masked-man who's taking his place is doing alot for his sake.. *and for masked-man's bank account* and he's like.. hidden all the time.. thus preventing him from getting the credit he truly deserves.. i really wanna see joongie back. oh well. sigh.

so there. shall go and mug. or rather.. MUST go and mug. toddles!

the rain poured at 10:57 AM

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Monday, October 24, 2005

this is scary.

tian cai xiang qian chong preview

lin jun jie: bei1 bi4, shui2 tou1 zhou3 wo3 de4 nei4 yi1? *sung to the tune of wei yi*

goodness. jj lin!!! its jj lin for goodness sake! >.<

the rain poured at 9:38 PM

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Sunday, October 23, 2005

the clock goes tick-tock-tick-tock. im still stuck at 656 words for history essay. my horribly black soup thingie's still next to me.. growing cold as the moments pass. pretty boy clips haven't finished downloading yet.

bwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

the rain poured at 4:25 PM

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seriously!

mrs r definitely hasn't seen xiah. or hero for the matter. takeshi kaneshiro the prettiest guy in asia? *glares indignantly* blah. ok. gotta intro them to her when im officially outta the school. so there.

the rain poured at 4:12 PM

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sigh. sunday spent doing history essay. come.. let's see.

"The creation and continued existence of Israel generates unrest that plagues the Middle East."

everything seems fine.. i mean.. albeit the fact that it's an essay which has to be 800-1000 words long. and you don't really like doing history essays on weekends. or any day of the week OR year. so fine. but.. problem for me being here's how the whole writing-a-history-essay-on-a-weekend process starts.

"The creation and continued existence of Israel..."

pause. yes. pause. just right there.

WHAAAA-???????

ok. nevermind. calm and cool does it. its fine. its not that bad. you haven't read the whole thing yet. i mean.. it could just get better. a lot better. yeah. sure. im trying to convince myself. so if even i know that im convincing myself.. im 1. not doing a very good job or.. 2. there's nothing to convince myself about!!!! don't even bother about convincing or persuading myself! pronounced dead already!!

but nevermind. i shall.. push on. yep. push on. slog. trudge. crawl on.. while weeping tears of regret and bitterness.

"- generates unrest that plagues the Middle East."

to which all i have to say is: huh? *proceeds to promptly let my face fall flat on the table* *soon.. snores emit from somewhere between what's left of my face and the table as always during history lessons*

or i could have another response.

whattheshitisthiswholethingabout?????idontgetanythinghaventgottenanything-andprobablywontgetanyofthiswithinthiscenturysothere.

blah. and im missing out on chinese mugging for this. crap. ok. i admit it.. i like chinese mugging. its fun. specially with nu ren and bren. and especially during times like this.. history essay or chinese mugging? i'll take mugging anytime. anytime. including now.

sigh. oh well. resigned to fate. thank goodness for those pretty boys. note: i've refrained from using "my" and have used "those" in its stead. don't wanna get chopped up anytime soon. once again, anytime includes now. blah. dorkiness. *grins stupidly*

random note: much as i like/adore/gush about chicken little.. i really REALLY rEaLlY really really really do not like his voice. it totally doesn't fit him. so there.

i rather settle for things which/who are cute.. human.. are dorky.. hilarious.. able-to-be-serious.. and have gorgeous voices to top it all off.

random note 2: blah. kino's having 20% off now. shall go and buy my comics. withdrawal withdrawal withdrawal. or else i'll probably have to wait till the end of the year sales. which is a very long time. especially for me. plus since i can't get my wang zi bian qing wa part 2 yet.. sheesh. its a very very long time. problem being.. i don't know who has my kino card. lent it to someone. i think i know who it is. but not sure. and i might just forget. or rather.. i'll probably forget. either that.. or my card's lost. it better not be either. or i'll totally tear the sky up. and wreak total havoc. and whine like mad. and be a total idiot and pain-in-the-ass not that im not already.

the rain poured at 3:42 PM

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Sunday, October 16, 2005

sheesh. i check my inbox today and i see mails from like.. acrobat reader.. photoshop.. and i don't know what else. and like.. DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO'S WILLING TO FORK OUT MONEY FOR THOSE PROGRAMMES??? especially when i already have them?? ok. that was totally me being weirded and exaggerating things. oh well.. just.. presenting me!

as if.

dreams are so much nicer to believe in. and live in. no heartbreaks. and you don't wanna wake up at all. and even when you do, you know you can go back to then, anytime of the day. cause all you have to do is just close your eyes, and pick it up from where you left off at. and sometimes, when you don't really like what last happened, you can just wake up, and hit the rewind button and do a little editing.

remember a song which goes, "dreams, are my reality". yep. really wish it could be that way. no heartbreaks, no nothing to face up to, no consequences. everything's just so nice there. sigh. and its weird how the whole song, its lyrics and all, sums up everything so nicely and perfectly.

Met you by surprise,
I didn't realize
that my life would change forever
Saw you standing there,
I didn't know I cared
there was something special in the air
Dreams are my reality,
the only kind of real fantasy
Illusions are a common thing
I try to live in dreams
It seems as if it's meant to be
Dreams are my reality,
a different kind of reality
I dream of loving in the night
And loving seems alright
Although it's only fantasy

If you do exist,
honey don't resist
show me a new way of loving
Tell me that it's true,
show me what to do
I feel something special about you
Dreams are my reality,
the only kind of reality
may be my foolishness has past
And may be now at last
I'll see how a real thing can be
Dreams are my reality,
a wonderous world where I like to be
I dream of holding you all night
and holding you seems right
perhaps that's my reality

Met you by surprise,
I didn't realize
that my life would change forever
Tell me that it's true,
feelings that are cue
I feel something special about you
Dreams are my reality,
a wonderous world where I like to be
Illusions are a common thing
I try to live in dreams
although it's only fantasy
Dreams are my reality,
I like to dream of you close to me
I dream of loving in the night
and loving you seems right
Perhaps that's my reality

- Reality by Richard Sanderson

the rain poured at 10:27 AM

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Thursday, October 13, 2005

come come come. i shall once again rant about random stuff which probably no one will have any idea what im talking about.

random meaning.. random. yar. me. im fine. today i was fine. yesterday.. i think i was fine. so on the whole, im fine. thank you very much.

so yes. blah. ok. so i spent a usually-considered crazy amount of time today, plugged onto my discman listening to dong bang.. doing my homework. besides the nice acapella noises and music coming from my earplugs.. it was complete.. solitude? yar. ok. the whole thing felt quite peaceful. but i don't think im at peace with the world. *pauses* *thinks* ok. i think this has reached a point where i don't know what the pok im saying. but yar.

so anyway, i've switched off my wmp. yes. cause i plan to sleep.

i wish.

erm. yar. but nevermind about wmp. i now live on gom player. ok. at least a relatively large part of my life relies on gom player. gosh. and i just discovered it yesterday. which means i haven't exactly been living a proper life so far. geez. wonder how many more things there are for me to discover. this entry is becoming even more complicated and un-understandable. even to me. die.

but nevermind. so yar. gom player is like.. nice. but of course.. its nice only cause i get to see those pretty boys on it. wanted to say MY pretty boys. but i shall refrain. i've heard what others who seriously DO think this way have done to their peers. *shudders* once again, i only view them as my idols. yes. and im fine if they get attached. or married. or have a nice girlfriend. only, of course, unless she's some.. weirded hu li jing. then i'll just not like them anymore. ok. some people should get what im saying. i hope? >.<

and next. speaking about peace. please!!!! geez. *pauses* wait. the following has nothing to do with anything's that happened recently! i swear! not that anything happened recently. but yar. so back to the topic. we have our 'o's too, thank you very much. so seriously i don't see why you guys hate us that much. trust me, its not something we love on our part. sometimes you just have to look at things from a different p.o.v. as atticus said in tkmb, "step into their shoes and walk around in them" or something to that effect. sorry, but its been 2 years since i read that text. and i still remember it, which is quite a wonder. but it was a good quote. now, we remember things like, "it wasn't what you hoped it to be, but it exists. be thankful for small mercies" something to that effect. and its amazing how many times i can use it. yes. so my point being, try understanding yar? everything's really not that easy as you think it to be. really.

ok. random ramblings done. shall pack my bag now. toddles to the world.

the rain poured at 9:47 PM

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Sunday, October 09, 2005

jotting down random thoughts in my head now.. which somehow manage to link. ok. they DO link.

rising sun.

changmin.

crying out for the world's lost innocence.

the rain poured at 10:03 AM

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Thursday, October 06, 2005

dum. don't know how to put it. how to start. sigh.

is it cause im too stupid? cause im too insensitive? cause i'll never understand what you're going through? like.. cause im incapable of feeling that way? or maybe its simply cause i've failed too many times, too many times such that i'll never understand how you feel. or im saying stuff that i can never do myself. so yeah, others will understand, others are able to listen, can listen, you let them listen, want them to listen, while basically.. i have to get lost. or rather.. you rather talk to others and not me. cause i don't understand.. cause im insensitive. cause im just being stupid and extra. im just a fair-weather kinda friend, not someone who you can talk to or can understand what you're going through. or yar, simply.. im too insensitive. im useless at these kinda stuff. im not helping. im just being a pain. like.. ok. that's it. i got the message.

much as i would like to wish that all this isn't true, but everything just seems to be pointing towards this conclusion i have. though the reasons i have are probably wrong, cause i've never and will never understand you, unlike how others will. but yar.. now i know something, i've learnt something. it was all just stupidity on my part.

the rain poured at 2:55 PM

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Monday, October 03, 2005

sigh. wish sometimes things went both ways. you don't hurt me, i don't try to hurt you. not in the.. i'll repay you way. but both parties take the initiative. much as i wouldn't like history to repeat itself, but why are you doing this? wouldn't things be much better if you just tried? try to not be so high up there, hurting those you feel are beneath when we know what really is going through your mind? why hide?

oh well.. on a lighter note. i forgot what i wanted to type about. i mean.. that's not the lighter note part. the thing that i wanted to blog about.. that was the lighter note bit. oh well. tsk. *smacks self* oh well. nevermind. oh yes. inspiration. just haven't had the time to get down to typing the chapters out. =p so that's all for now. tataz. =)

the rain poured at 9:07 PM

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Sunday, October 02, 2005

thy shall reduce the number of almost-foul words that cometh out of thy's mouth. hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. *meditates*

the rain poured at 9:36 PM

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