deja-vu v.2 [ rain... falling in my heart

Saturday, September 23, 2006

was looking at the first few mails i got in my current mail inbox.. at least the ones which i bothered to keep. though come to think of it.. maybe it wasn't a matter of me bothering to keep it cause of its educational value..

the mail was very aptly titled: glycolysis and krebs cycle shit (word for word)

and the contents: "... i dunno how to explain the 2nd qn but since he only stated "state" and not "explain" ..."

hey! that means i wasn't such a big ~~slack~~ science noob just a year or so ago. =p wonder what happened in between. but still, amongst all the sciences, i'll stand by declaring my undying love for bio any day.

reminiscing the days when a dramatization for macbeth text was what we did for a pt. (we ended up doing a chicken rice dramatization of the text and CA and i were the two hapless maids who ran about like headless.. pun unintended.. chickens and were drugged. but of course, we achieved the goal of being there for the sake of comic relief)

and of course, when a certain someone totally did not get hints and i first coined the term: "phone expulsion".

the rain poured at 3:06 PM

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Friday, September 22, 2006

somehow this song's just stuck to me. the lyrics.. what the song means.

If it's money One! One! whoever it's okay.
You can't hold onto it.
You can't get anymore.
There's only attachment left.
You were hoping for a miracle-like love, but there's no such thing.
You rate everything and you don't need anything that doesn't deal with money.
You've thrown away love and lost faith.
You can throw away whoever you want.

If it's money One! One! whoever is okay.
But if not Two! Two! they can just forget it.
No, in your life, twice no three times, no it's only one time.
Don't chase after worthless things.

You are so up and going down down, only heading towards fleeting things.
Turn back the days when you were happiest.
Where has the real you gone?
Now stop up and going down down, and don't get lured here and there.
You can't sell your special value, because this is a life that you live only once.

Whatever they say, I'm the best.
Please, stop with the endless selfishness.
You can't do it by yourself.
There is someone by your side.

Don't just leave regret.
Turn around.
There's no longer any love or faith beside you.
Only the outside shell of yourself.

It's hard to choose until the very end, because nothing is for sure.
You get stronger when you fail.
You learn.

Even if you become wretched and become rich,
you'll know where you were really yourself.
Matching up to your expensive pride,
might have been a dream or it might have flown away.
Don't loose yourself, don't become like that.
Don't give up.

You are so up and going down down, only heading towards fleeting things.
Turn back the days when you were happiest.
Where has the real you gone?

Now stop up and going down down, and don't get lured here and there.
You can't sell your special value, because this is a life that you live only once.

- million men by dbsg
credits: Jungie @ aheeyah.com (some changes made)

up and going down down...........

the rain poured at 7:10 PM

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maybe it isn't that impossible or hard afterall.

im just sick and tired of it.

the rain poured at 6:19 PM

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Sunday, September 17, 2006

haha.. got this from bren's blog. my eyes kinda widened at certain bits, some of them were also highlighted by her. but yes. here's it:

The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure. The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things. Being a middle child would mean they are loners. They really don't like to latch on to a person in a relationship, there fore they have trouble keeping one due to lack of interest. Not liking to take the limelight for anything, they are not over achievers and just simply work enough work to get by, and typically that goes with school as well as a career. They are however very artistic and creative. If forced to use abilities they will work well, but do not work well under pressure. They often start several projects but rarely keep focused long enough to finish a project. The best career move for a middle child would be along the lines of using their creative. Going into a writing or journalism career, and into a career that they could freely express themselves would be good. Anything that would have hours that are flexible, and projects that frequently changed would be good for a middle born child. Since relationships are not of high importance to a middle child, often times they are alone. However, the best possible match for a middle child would be a last born.

*coughs* *chokes* *dies*

edits: that got me quite very interested. so i did more research.. =p

Oldest and youngest children can usually find reasons to be glad about their place in the family. Not so middle children. They often aren't the biggest and strongest, they aren't the babies who get away with murder, they aren't really anything special, at least in their own minds. Sometimes they feel invisible. But this uncomfortable feeling of not having a defined place in the family may actually turn out to be an advantage. Unlike first children, who often define success by their ability to meet their parents' expectations, middle children are more prone to rebel against the status quo. Another result of having a less well-defined place in the family is that middle children often reach outside the family for significant relationships. They make close circles of friends. During adolescence, in particular, they may be especially influenced by their peer groups, often to their parents' dismay.

Relationship with parents: Parents may not have as strong a sense of what to expect from a middle child as they do for a firstborn or their youngest. In one way, that's a good thing, because it gives the middle child freedom to follow his individual path. On the other hand, the sense of being less understood makes some middle children feel unloved. From the parents' point of view, the fact that there are a thousand baby pictures of the first child, and only a few dozen of the second-born simply means that they got tired of getting rolls and rolls of film developed. But from the middle child's vantage point, it is documentary proof of their second-class status. In terms of sibling rivalry, the firstborn may be struggling to maintain her position on top, but middle children seemingly struggle just to be noticed at all.

Relationships with siblings: For any middle child, the biggest point of comparison is the sibling who falls just before them in the birth order. Often, rather than competing head-on with that older sibling, the middle child chooses to go in a different direction. If the older sibling is a great student, for example, the middle child may become a musician or an athlete. (There's some research suggesting that middle children are more likely to engage in dangerous sports, perhaps because they are used to taking risks.) By choosing a niche that isn't already occupied, a middle child increases his chances of standing out and being noticed, and decreases the risk of negative comparisons. Middle children, who are usually smaller than their older siblings while they're growing up, often learn non-aggressive strategies to get what they want, such as negotiation, cooperation, or seeking parental intervention. As the underdogs themselves in many sibling conflicts, middle children often develop a fine sense of empathy with the downtrodden, as do many youngest children. Where first and last children may tend to be self-centered, middle children often take a genuine interest in getting to know other people. Being in the middle, they may find it easier to look at interpersonal situations from various points of view.

Positives: The classic middle-born is very relational, tends to be a people-pleaser and usually hates confrontation. Their basic need is to keep life smooth and their motto might be 'peace at any price'. They are usually very calm, will roll with the punches and are amiable, down-to-earth and great listeners. They are skilled at seeing both sides of a problem and eager to make everybody happy. That makes them good mediators and negotiators.

Negatives:They tend to be less driven than first-borns, but are much more eager to be liked - or at least be happy with them. They have a difficult time setting boundaries. They can drift into becoming 'co-dependent' as they try to please everybody. They are not good at making decisions that will offend others. They also tend to blame themselves when others fail.

Middle children can have many contradictory characteristics, but one common thread seems to hold true: their personalities are usually the opposite of those of the first borns. If the first born is a loner, the next born will have numerous friends. If the first born is ambitious, the second born may be more laid back. The second born, after all, has to carve out his or her own distinct identity, and the first born has already made a claim on the adult-oriented and ambitious traits. It is common for the middle child to feel squeezed out, with the older and younger children getting more attention—so they turn to the world outside of the family, to their friends. Second borns or middle children are often very sociable and they become good mediators. They learn the art of negotiation and compromise. They are generally free-spirited, independent and sometimes rebellious. Because they don’t get as much attention, they learn not to reveal as much about their thoughts and emotions as others do. And since they didn’t stand out in the family as much while growing up, they place great value on loyalty—they are the likeliest to remain monogamous in their relationships.

the rain poured at 9:55 AM

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Saturday, September 16, 2006

in view of recent comments that my entries are.. angsty.. which by the way.. im so not lah. i have loads of =)-s in them kayyyyyy..

but yes anyway.. something to totally look forward to.

dong bang's 3rd album's gonna be out on 28/9. a.k.a last day of promos for yours truly.

i shall let my evil suaning laughter fill the rest of this space. =p

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

although it won't be here until who knows when.. and i'll be going to the range straightaway given the high probability that i'll be twitching and sniffling as a result of withdrawal symptoms.

but still.. last day of promos. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

the rain poured at 1:35 PM

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Thursday, September 14, 2006

ouch.

the first thing that would come to almost everyone's mind would be.. that's such a stupid thing to do. you're just running away from the problem and causing so much hurt.

but i don't know.. personally.. all that went through my head was.. "you can't blame him.. you just can't.."

i don't know. maybe after looking at things from the same perspective for such a long time, you start to wonder if that's really always the case. and somehow i came to that conclusion.

its just that the timing's really wrong. but then again.. you can't blame him. you really can't.

the rain poured at 8:43 PM

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Friday, September 08, 2006

I have lived through 103 of these 159 things!

1. Put numbers in the boxes instead of x's (example: 1, 2, 3, 4, ...)
2. Repost as "I have lived through ___ of these 159 things."
3. Add one of your own and add 1 to 159

[1] I have read a lot of books.
[2] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[3] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping. (surprise surprise!)
[ ] I have been to Canada.
[4] I have been to Europe.
[5] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[6] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[7] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[8] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
[9] I have played ping pong.
[10] I swam in the ocean.
[11] I have been on a whale watch.
[12] I have seen fireworks.
[13] I have seen a shooting star.
[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[14] I have almost drowned.
[15] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[16] I have listened to one CD over and over and over again.
[ ] I have had stitches.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[17] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[18] I have stayed up 'til 2 doing homework/projects. (i think. or at least close to it. 1.30??(
[ ] I currently have a job.
[19] I have been ice skating.
[20] I have been roller blading.
[21] I have fallen flat on my face. (on bed?)
[22] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[23] I have been in a fist fight.
[24] I have played video games for more than 3 hours straight.
[25] I have watched the Power Rangers.
[ ] I attend Church regularly.
[26] I have played truth or dare.
[27] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[28] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[29] I've called someone stupid.
[30] I've been in a verbal argument.
[31] I've cried in school.
[ ] I've played basketball on a team.
[ ] I've played baseball on a team.
[ ] I've played football on a team.
[ ] I've played soccer on a team.
[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[ ] I've played softball on a team.
[ ] I've played volleyball on a team.
[ ] I've played tennis on a team.
[ ] I've been on a track or cross country team.
[33] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[34] I've climbed a rock wall.
[ ] I've lost more than $20.
[35] I've called myself an idiot.
[36] I've called someone else an idiot.
[37 ] I've cried myself to sleep.
[38] I've had (or have) pets. (does the terrapin that crawled into my house and we kept for awhile count?)
[39] I've owned a spice girls CD.
[40] I've owned a Britney Spears CD.
[ ] I've owned an N*Sync CD.
[41] I've owned a Backstreet Boys CD. (shared)
[ ] I've mooned someone.
[42] I have sworn at someone of authority before.
[ ] I've been in the newspaper.
[43] I've been on TV.
[ ] I've been to Hawaii.
[44] I've eaten sushi.
[45] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[46] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[47] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[ ] I've watched the 3 stooges.
[48] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
[49] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.
[50] I've been called a geek.
[51] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade. (49%!!!!!!!!!! ANGST!!!!)
[52] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[ ] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[ ] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[53] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[54] I've written poetry.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[55] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[56] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[57] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[58] I've had/have siblings.
[ ] I've been to a rock concert.
[59] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[60] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've been picked last in gym class.
[61] I've been picked first in gym class.
[62] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
[63] I've cried in front of my friends.
[64] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages
[65] I've played Halo 2. (and got completely, utterly, totally owned)
[66] I've freaked out over a sports game.
[ ]I've been to Alaska.
[ ] I've been to China.
[ ] I've been to Spain.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[67] I've had a fight with someone on AIM.
[68] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[69] I've had serious conversations on any IM.
[70] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[71] I've been forgiven.
[72] I've screamed at a scary movie.
[73 ] I've cried at a chick flick. (i think. not very sure..)
[74] I've watched a lot of action movies. (if watching includes having your hands in front of yor eyes and you're peeking through them)
[75] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
[ ] I've been to a rap concert.
[ ] I've been to a hip hop concert.
[76] I've lived in more than 2 houses.
[77] I've driven on the highway/been on the highway.
[78] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day/been in a car that went more than 40 miles in a day.
[ ] I've been in a car accident.
[ ] I've done drugs.
[79] I've been homesick.
[80] I've thrown up.
[ ] I've puked on someone. (control.) *grins*
[81] I've been horseback riding.
[82] I've filled out more than 10 myspace/LJ surveys.
[83] I've spoken my mind in public.
[84] I've proven someone wrong.
[85] I've been proven wrong by someone.
[ ] I've broken a leg.
[ ] I've broken an arm/fingers.
[ ] I've fallen off a swing.
[86] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 minutes straight.
[87] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[ ] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
[ ] I've lost my backpack.
[ ] I've come close to dying. (at least i wouldn't consider THAT close to dying)
[ ] I've seen someone die.
[88] I've known someone who has died.
[89] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.
[ ] I've done modeling.
[90] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[91] I've taken something/someone for granted.
[92] I've realized how good my life is.
[93] I've counted my blessings.
[94] I've made fun of a classmate.
[95] I've been asked out by someone and I said no. (not that kind of meaning, thou xP)
[96] I've slapped someone in the face.
[ ] I've been skateboarding.
[97] I've been back stabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[98] I've lied to someone to their face.
[99] I've told a little white lie.
[ ] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[ ] I've fainted.
[ ] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
[100] I've pushed someone into a pool.
[101] I've been pushed into a pool.
[102] I've been/am in love.
[ ] I've had my prayers answered before

sleeppyyyyyyy. i seriously have to get back to my normal sleeping time. seriously.

the rain poured at 4:54 PM

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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

i swear i didn't do anything. but the name was just highlighted on my contact list.

so screwed. so so so so soooooooooo scrooed.

the rain poured at 7:53 PM

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Saturday, September 02, 2006

SAFRA results were finally put up. here.

i was just looking through the whole list and.. analysing it if it can be considered analysing? need to work work work work hard still. >.<

and while looking through.. you kinda relive the day itself. just bits and pieces of it cause everything was such a crazy crazy rush and blur then..

but for now.. its hist notes time. =p

the rain poured at 2:31 PM

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Friday, September 01, 2006

i was dropped from the list. i guess it was kinda expected. but the feeling still sucks.

if it was anyone's fault.. i guess it probably was mine. except i don't know what i can do about it. everytime i try.. i just get pushed away.

i guess that's it.

the rain poured at 10:18 AM

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