deja-vu v.2 [ rain... falling in my heart

Sunday, September 17, 2006

haha.. got this from bren's blog. my eyes kinda widened at certain bits, some of them were also highlighted by her. but yes. here's it:

The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure. The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things. Being a middle child would mean they are loners. They really don't like to latch on to a person in a relationship, there fore they have trouble keeping one due to lack of interest. Not liking to take the limelight for anything, they are not over achievers and just simply work enough work to get by, and typically that goes with school as well as a career. They are however very artistic and creative. If forced to use abilities they will work well, but do not work well under pressure. They often start several projects but rarely keep focused long enough to finish a project. The best career move for a middle child would be along the lines of using their creative. Going into a writing or journalism career, and into a career that they could freely express themselves would be good. Anything that would have hours that are flexible, and projects that frequently changed would be good for a middle born child. Since relationships are not of high importance to a middle child, often times they are alone. However, the best possible match for a middle child would be a last born.

*coughs* *chokes* *dies*

edits: that got me quite very interested. so i did more research.. =p

Oldest and youngest children can usually find reasons to be glad about their place in the family. Not so middle children. They often aren't the biggest and strongest, they aren't the babies who get away with murder, they aren't really anything special, at least in their own minds. Sometimes they feel invisible. But this uncomfortable feeling of not having a defined place in the family may actually turn out to be an advantage. Unlike first children, who often define success by their ability to meet their parents' expectations, middle children are more prone to rebel against the status quo. Another result of having a less well-defined place in the family is that middle children often reach outside the family for significant relationships. They make close circles of friends. During adolescence, in particular, they may be especially influenced by their peer groups, often to their parents' dismay.

Relationship with parents: Parents may not have as strong a sense of what to expect from a middle child as they do for a firstborn or their youngest. In one way, that's a good thing, because it gives the middle child freedom to follow his individual path. On the other hand, the sense of being less understood makes some middle children feel unloved. From the parents' point of view, the fact that there are a thousand baby pictures of the first child, and only a few dozen of the second-born simply means that they got tired of getting rolls and rolls of film developed. But from the middle child's vantage point, it is documentary proof of their second-class status. In terms of sibling rivalry, the firstborn may be struggling to maintain her position on top, but middle children seemingly struggle just to be noticed at all.

Relationships with siblings: For any middle child, the biggest point of comparison is the sibling who falls just before them in the birth order. Often, rather than competing head-on with that older sibling, the middle child chooses to go in a different direction. If the older sibling is a great student, for example, the middle child may become a musician or an athlete. (There's some research suggesting that middle children are more likely to engage in dangerous sports, perhaps because they are used to taking risks.) By choosing a niche that isn't already occupied, a middle child increases his chances of standing out and being noticed, and decreases the risk of negative comparisons. Middle children, who are usually smaller than their older siblings while they're growing up, often learn non-aggressive strategies to get what they want, such as negotiation, cooperation, or seeking parental intervention. As the underdogs themselves in many sibling conflicts, middle children often develop a fine sense of empathy with the downtrodden, as do many youngest children. Where first and last children may tend to be self-centered, middle children often take a genuine interest in getting to know other people. Being in the middle, they may find it easier to look at interpersonal situations from various points of view.

Positives: The classic middle-born is very relational, tends to be a people-pleaser and usually hates confrontation. Their basic need is to keep life smooth and their motto might be 'peace at any price'. They are usually very calm, will roll with the punches and are amiable, down-to-earth and great listeners. They are skilled at seeing both sides of a problem and eager to make everybody happy. That makes them good mediators and negotiators.

Negatives:They tend to be less driven than first-borns, but are much more eager to be liked - or at least be happy with them. They have a difficult time setting boundaries. They can drift into becoming 'co-dependent' as they try to please everybody. They are not good at making decisions that will offend others. They also tend to blame themselves when others fail.

Middle children can have many contradictory characteristics, but one common thread seems to hold true: their personalities are usually the opposite of those of the first borns. If the first born is a loner, the next born will have numerous friends. If the first born is ambitious, the second born may be more laid back. The second born, after all, has to carve out his or her own distinct identity, and the first born has already made a claim on the adult-oriented and ambitious traits. It is common for the middle child to feel squeezed out, with the older and younger children getting more attention—so they turn to the world outside of the family, to their friends. Second borns or middle children are often very sociable and they become good mediators. They learn the art of negotiation and compromise. They are generally free-spirited, independent and sometimes rebellious. Because they don’t get as much attention, they learn not to reveal as much about their thoughts and emotions as others do. And since they didn’t stand out in the family as much while growing up, they place great value on loyalty—they are the likeliest to remain monogamous in their relationships.

the rain poured at 9:55 AM

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